It's like my dad feeds off of misery... Options

[Brock]

I was really looking forward to Christmas eve and Christmas but obviously my dad just wasn't going to let me enjoy it. His therapist came by a few days ago and told me some stuff, also mentioned that my dad told him he was willing to back off with the divorce for a few weeks and let my mom and I catch up and he would wait until we were ready, which felt nice. He then asked me that my dad had begged or really hoped that I would allow him to visit me on Christmas, which I of course denied because it has only been a month and I'm not where NEAR ready to move on which he doesn't understand... So I felt like the session went really well and I felt a big more at ease. Then the next day I wake up to a doorbell and my mom comes running up and says that my dad filed for divorce. Way to go. Thanks. So was that punishment for me declining his visit? Does he not realize that his actions have consequences and that I'm really beginning to hate him? I'm slowly writing a very brutal letter to him, and I wish I could have it finished now but I can't. I'm not sleeping at all anymore and I'm getting worse... Didn't even think that was possible... I've been telling myself that I'll get through this and the Lord is making this happen so that something later will happen and that makes me feel a bit better but I'm still stressed out.

[Barbara]

We know that stress for us is an absolute problem. And you are dealing with an enormous amount of it right now. But the divorce issue is between your mom and dad. It seems as though your dad wasn't sure what he wanted to do, but don't put blame on yourself.

It might be very healthy for you to write about your feelings. You know you can do that and not give the letter to your dad. Or perhaps you might want to discuss your feelings with your mom.

Whatever you decide to do, please try to let go as much as possible. Surround yourself with music, tv programs or books you enjoy. De-stress as best as you can. A new year is coming, and with it a clean slate.

[aurora]

your dad's therapist came by and talked to you about stuff your dad had said? that sounds unethical to me -- unethical, unprofessional, and very manipulative. i don't think the therapist should have done that.

(((brock)))

[Rosa18]

your dad's therapist came by and talked to you about stuff your dad had said? that sounds unethical to me -- unethical, unprofessional, and very manipulative. i don't think the therapist should have done that.

(((brock)))

What type of therapist is that? A massage therapist?? Because if that was a licensed psychotherapist, he/she violated just about every cannon of their profession in doing what you said they did.

In terms of your problems, just try to remember your dad is human too. He may not be very good for you right now, but its unlikely that he is some irredeemable embodiment of evil.

This post has been edited by Rosa18: Feb 3 2010, 07:44 AM

[Amanda-Leigh]

your dad's therapist came by and talked to you about stuff your dad had said? that sounds unethical to me -- unethical, unprofessional, and very manipulative. i don't think the therapist should have done that.

(((brock)))

Not necessarily. If Brock's dad didn't want to talk to Brock on his own (maybe scared of rejection?), he could ask his therapist to speak on his behalf. I did that when I was younger to my father (and I was too in awe of him and scared of him hating me to tell him anything negative on my own), and they say only what you want them to say and they have permission to say it. Hopefully that's what happened.

And Barbara is right about writing your feelings down. Although writing a letter might be stressful (I always find that stressful) - so maybe even a journal or something where you can write anything you want, whether it's a list of feelings or a list of events - anything that can help you express your feelings.

I hope everything is going okay

[aurora]

If Brock's dad didn't want to talk to Brock on his own (maybe scared of rejection?), he could ask his therapist to speak on his behalf. I did that when I was younger to my father (and I was too in awe of him and scared of him hating me to tell him anything negative on my own), and they say only what you want them to say and they have permission to say it. Hopefully that's what happened.

ok, it's obvious that the family dynamic in brock's family is out of whack. something like your scenario would be ok for a child or adolescent who is hesitant to approach an adult, but who's the adult in brock's family? brock's dad is supposed to be the adult who can speak for himself and not need go through a middleman to communicate these things to family members. i call cop-out on brock's dad.

[Amanda-Leigh]

i call cop-out on brock's dad.

I more than agree with you there.

[Jayna]